- Posts:
- 100
- Age:
- 100
- Gender:
- 100
- Location:
- 100
Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about!
Duffman can't breathe! OH NO! A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds…it makes ice. Slow down, Bart! My legs don't know how to be as long as yours. Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.
Donuts. Is there anything they can't do? That's why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them. I didn't get rich by signing checks. Here's to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life's problems.
Human contact: the final frontier.
Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?
- Save me, Jeebus.
- D'oh.
- Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.
Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who's been screwing with this thing?
Slow down, Bart! My legs don't know how to be as long as yours. I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows. Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that's a *really* useful invention!
- I'll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
- Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.
- Bart, with $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you're experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that's a *really* useful invention!
Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer? This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie "The Never Ending Story."
Slow down, Bart! My legs don't know how to be as long as yours. Save me, Jeebus. And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.
No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it. Bart, with $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! Fire can be our friend; whether it's toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie.
Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I work, I work. Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I work, I work. Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*
Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the…uh…what cures cancer? Marge, just about everything's a sin. Y'ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we're not supposed to go to the bathroom.
Human contact: the final frontier. Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three "Highlander" movies. I'll be back. You can't keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I'm back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.
Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. And now, in the spirit of the season: start shopping. And for every dollar of Krusty merchandise you buy, I will be nice to a sick kid. For legal purposes, sick kids may include hookers with a cold.
Oh, everything looks bad if you remember it. Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people. The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity… This is the greatest case of false advertising I've seen since I sued the movie "The Never Ending Story."
Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot. Dad didn't leave… When he comes back from the store, he's going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face!
Stan Lee never left. I'm afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition. I'll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.